Dear Crosswalkers,
In my first church, well over 30 years ago, I was confronted with a terrible situation. A wife came to me who had been physically abused by her husband. I’ll spare you all the details which led to the particular decision we made. Bottom line – through a friend in the church with a private plane, and in consultation with our local physician, we flew her out of state to the home of a caring relative. The husband threatened to come after me with his gun. A month later we saw each other at a community swimming pool, and there was a confrontation. Thankfully, other men from our church family were able to intervene and prevent an altercation.
Physical violence against women is a growing tragedy in our country, and the churches are not doing a very good job in dealing with it.
A survey by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) found that 1 out of every 4 women surveyed say they were physically abused by their husbands or boyfriends. Can you believe that? It is a reprehensible and disgraceful statistic. It is a shame on the blessed relationship of marriage that God ordained for so many. You can read the report in the USA Today by clicking HERE.
How should the church handle this silent atrocity in our communities? Where is the church when it comes to women suffering from physical abuse in their own households?
Sadly, many women feel that they are trapped. There is nowhere to go and no way out. They fear even greater violence if they seek help outside the relationship. Even worse, many women somehow blame themselves. We live in a politically correct world where moral equivalency is used as an excuse for putting up with all kinds of outrageous behavior. Women need to hear that it is NOT THEIR FAULT. There is no excuse for a boyfriend or husband to physically harm a woman. None. Men who do so are cowards.
Worse yet, many in the church believe the Bible would justify this behavior on the basis of passages taken out of context in which God says he hates divorce and our Lord says to turn the other cheek.
Let me say emphatically that there is no biblical justification for staying with an abuser; in fact it is spiritual malpractice to suggest otherwise. Evangelical Bible Teachers are nearly unanimous in their understanding that the Bible allows for marital separation and divorce for three reasons, often called the “Three A’s:” Adultery, Abandonment, and Abuse.
Adultery is a straightforward reason which is explicitly found in Matthew 19:9 and by implication in many other passages. Divorce is not mandated by adultery, but it is allowed. Why? Because the sexual oneness of marriage unites intimacy and trust, which is the very framework of the relationship. If it is broken, the marriage is also broken.
Abandonment is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. Here, physical abandonment is in view, but the application of this principle clearly extends to the third A, which is Abuse.
Most Bible scholars agree that physical abuse is such a despicable dereliction of the marriage vows that it is equal to abandonment. In fact it is worse. In such situations your spouse is forcing you to leave, or to separate. In Evangelical Ethics we read:
“Behavior such as persistent physical abuse is a violation of the marriage covenant and is... a de facto desertion of the marriage covenant.”
Wives who are being physically abused should separate themselves for the purpose of personal safety and the dignity of God’s covenant of marriage. You wives are biblically blessed with the opportunity to exit this marriage. This is especially the case where children are involved, because their safety is of paramount importance to God. The Lord Jesus said, in essence, that those who abuse children should have a millstone tied around their neck and be tossed into the deepest sea.
Women who are being physically abused by their boyfriends should do this: END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW! Abusers are living and acting so far outside the will of God that they do not deserve your affection.
Two last and very practical matters:
First, Crosswalk is a church family that wants to do a better job of handling these very devastating situations. Are you an abused woman who needs help? Counseling? Safety? Email me or any of our church staff and we will be there for you. Mark your connection card in church. Let us know. Or perhaps your heart of compassion leads you to help those who are hurting. Could you temporarily offer space to an abused woman? Let us know.
Secondly, what about the abusers? Are we not called to love our enemies and show the love of Jesus to them? Yes we are. How can we do that? We will answer that question next week. Stay tuned!
Love in Jesus,
Pastor John Christie
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